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17 February 2009 @ 06:15 pm
not this year.  
   i think it's so invigorating when you meet someone and you judge them, you get a firm idea of them in your head. then once something happens and you see that there are simiarities, differences, secrets, and lies. basically what stirred all this, was a girl. a girl whose name i don't wanna say, because she doesn't need to be judged. i've been cutting lately, a lot more than usual. and i had gym today in school, so my knee length courtland cougar blue gym shorts showed a bit of my cuts on my inner thigh. the girl pulled me aside and said, "i have to ask you. what happened to your leg?"
   i had talked to this girl every single day of my school year, and i'd grown a liking for her. she seemed so sweet and trustworthy, and i didn't want to lie. so i said, "i did it myself," and her reaction blew me off my feet. this girl looked at me, all seriousness on her face, and she said,
   "me too."
   she pulled back her sleeve and showed me her scars, so i showed her mine. now, this may seem like a brush off the shoulder to most of you, but you don't know this girl. here. i will describe her. in great detail. then maybe you'll see. 
bright blonde hair, hollister every single day, high fashion purses, coach bags and shoes, and part time modeling contracts. bright blue eyes and tiffany earrings, putting on a front of honest stupidity without realizing it. 
   so we had a really in depth conversation about how she is hiding from herself because she's put up an image, and, in her mind has to live up to it. she wants to have fun with people she actually wants to be friends with, not the stuck up preppy bitches. now don't get me wrong, i'm not dissing on stereotypes. trust me, i wear my fair share of "preppy" clothes. but yeah basically she opened my eyes.
   and later in that class, a boy named michael bailey started hitting on her. she has a boyfriend, but she doesn't know how to stand up for herself. so i told him to back off, and he tolld me to calm down and we argued for a while and he was like,
   "no, you seriously need to calm down. i was just talking to her. you had no right to butt in."
   i got mad and he called me a loser, so i laughed. i said "is that supposed to hurt me? to make me go cry?"
   of course, he told me to go cry.
   i laughed again... and he said the one thing that's shaken me since ever.
   he looked me in the face and said...

   "you're crazy."

  i don't think you know how deep that cuts and how bad it hurts. i don't know why, how, or anything, but that is the one thing that just makes me want to cry. and that's exactly what i did. i stood there on one side of a badmitten court, racket in hand, crying. my eyes were wide, and i wasn't really thinking. the girl looked at me and said "go to the bathroom. meet you there." so i went. i ran. i burst into the bathroom and sobbed. she came in and gave me the biggest hug ever, thanking me for standing up for her. i'd stood up for her before, more than once. but no one had ever said that to me. she calmed me down and we sat on that floor and talked about everything. why certain things make us do what we do. and she understood me. and i understood her. and to be perfectly honest, say or think what you will, but i think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.<3
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