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16 December 2010 @ 10:46 pm
         snow falls through the top of my boot, melting on my sockless foot. i squish my toes together, taking a drag off the cigarette in my only uncovered hand, hoping the road to her house isn't really as long as it seems, all covered in white. this is the first snow of the year. last year, we'd spent it together. it was always sort of a special thing for me. melted snow slips in a trickle down the neck of my sweatshirt, then a whole clump of it falls from my hair. the cold burns my chest as it melts into a frigid water. i don't even move. it reminds me of the way you make me feel. cold. i sigh, completely used to the feeling of being shattered by now. in the back of my mind, i'm hoping you'd come running out of your house, and scoop me up like you used to when we'd fight.
or did that only used happen in my imagination?
i shake the thought off, and continue my walk. a single snowflake falls in my eye, making me twitch. i mumble things under my breath, cursing myself for actually wishing for this sort of weather. the curls in my hair i'd spent hours on were now drenched, falling in loose waves down my chest. i'd reached her house, and i walked up  the drive. she answered the door, and i could tell she had smoked. i laughed to myself, and went in the house. i layed on her bed while she put her make up on. i slipped into sleep, and my mind started to dream.

i was standing before you, in your basement. it was summertime. i knew this because of the beads of sweat on your face. i was wearing your favorite dress.

did you really have a favorite dress, or did i just pretend you liked the one with the flowers?
you never really gave me any indication of clothing preferences. 

we were arguing, and you slumped all of your six feet two inches down on the couch. your blonde hair covered your eyes, and i wanted desperately to move it, but i knew you didn't want me touching you. to my left, the TV was on, i couldn't tell what show. my hair was long, and black, like it is now, but it was falling down my back in thick curls, not frumpy waves ruined by snow. i threw my hands up, and started to head for the sliding glass door. you ran to me, and hoisted me up.
"i love you," you said, kissing my cheek.
"i love you too, asshole," i replied, squirming out of your grip.we layed down on the couch, and i couldn't stop kissing you.
         everything after that was a blur, but the end of my dream. the lights were off. i was standing. you were laying. then the lights came on, and you were staring at me, with a cloudy disposition.
"we will always crush each other, every time." you said, completely monotone. then you were gone. so was your basement. and i was back in the snow. all i was wearing were my bouncy, black curls, and some melted snow trickling down my bare chest. cold. how you make me feel.

Current Location: bedroom.
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: Beauty Through Broken Glass - Eyes Set To Kill